Dating Dirty
by odishon
Summary: Gwen and Duncan are leaving the movies when they run into some Courtney-fans who are none to happy with them. Rated T for Duncan's potty-mouth.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I own **__**nothing**__**.**_

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_**Author's Note: I didn't write this to offend anyone, I just thought it'd be interesting to write a short fic about Gwen and Duncan getting hassled by some Courtney-fans in "real-life." They certainly take enough of a beating on the Internet… not that Gwen-fans are any more innocent when it comes to trash talking. So please, no hate comments. Constructive criticism is welcomed**_**.**

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"Okay, that may have been the greatest slasher movie ever!" Gwen declared coming out of the movie theater.

"Yeah?" Duncan asked, falling into step beside her. He didn't look impressed. "I think I liked the second movie better."

"What?" Gwen blinked at him disbelievingly. "Bloodbath 3 has _way_ more guts and gore then Bloodbath 2! And the creepiest, most twisted ending I've seen in awhile. What could it possibly be missing?"

"Dunno." Duncan took a long, thoughtful sip of his soda before tossing the empty cup over his shoulder. "Maybe 'cause it tried too hard with all the blood."

"Oh? I thought they did a rather artful job with the arterial spray… Especially when it got into that guy's mouth!" Gwen added with relish.

"Well, yeah," Duncan nodded, smiling as he recalled the scene. "But that took away from the gore."

"Huh? No way!"

They launched into a heated debate over the finer nuances of blood and gore as they cut across the parking lot. They were still arguing while they strolled along the quieting city sidewalks, unaware of several amassing figures gathering behind them.

"…Plus, without blood there's no gore!" Gwen shook her head. "I mean, come on, re-"

"Wait! Go through here!" Duncan suddenly pulled her down a side street.

"Wha? Why?" Gwen stumbled along, trying to keep up with him.

"I'm pretty sure we're being followed…" Duncan glanced over his shoulder.

"What? Again?" Gwen's lip curled in disgust.

"Yep. Looks like," he nodded. Gwen looked back to see several shadows moving down the alleyway towards them.

"What do you want to bet they're not looking for our autographs?" she asked dryly.

"That's probably a safe bet." Duncan cracked his knuckles. "So you wanna take them here?"

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Let's try to avoid conflict, hm? They just started letting you walk around without a parole officer."

"Suit yourself," Duncan shrugged. "Run for it?"

"Run for it." Gwen agreed. They took off down the dark, narrow alley.

Gwen let Duncan lead, trusting in his experience in fleeing from the cops to aid them in this escape. After making a series of twists and sharp turns through side streets and behind dumpsters, they finally seemed to have lost their pursuers and slowed their pace.

"Now!" a harsh voice signaled from the shadows.

"Wh-" Gwen glanced about for who had spoken. "WAH!"

She tripped over Duncan who, unexpectedly, had lurched forwards. Together they toppled head over heels through a broken chain-link fence into a foul black swamp. A faded sign hanging from the collapsed fence read:

_SEPTIC REFINEMENTS: Your Waste Will Not Go To Waste._

"Ugh! Gross…" Gwen gave a low moan, struggling to her feet. Duncan staggered upright next to her.

"Aww, crap!" He groaned looking down at muck he was covered in.

"Um, yeah," sighed Gwen bitterly and glanced about, appraising their location. "A whole lot of it."

"Man! When I find out who set this up…" Duncan trailed off, letting the unfinished threat hang in the air.

"What makes you think someone planned this?" Gwen asked as they began wading out of the smelly pit they were in.

"I got my feet tangled in this." He held up a long piece of rope.

"Oh."

"And them," he pointed behind her. Gwen spun around.

Lined up around the hole at the chain-link fence was a mob of like-dressed individuals, all sporting t-shirts that said '_Go Team Court!_'

For a beat, no one made a sound. Then someone in the crowd let out a whoop.

"That was for Courtney!" he hollered enthusiastically. Others cheered and began shouting out their own two cents.

"Yeah! For Courtney!"

"How'd ya like that, you dirty back-stabbers?"

"Duncney never should have broken up!"

"Courtney! Courtney! Courtney! COURTNEY! COURTNEY!" Fans quickly built up their mantra to a deafening roar.

_**SPLAT!**_ A large sludge-ball dripped down the side of the ringleader's head. All chanting died. The group warily turned to look over at where the missile had been launched. There stood the refuse-drenched couple, armed with dung balls, and looking pissed as hell.

"You want dirty?" Gwen crooked a finger, beckoning them. "Come on down!"

_**SPLAT! SPLAT!**_ Two more devotees were hit squarely in the face.

"Ha! Take _that_ shitheads!" Duncan jeered.

The Courtney-fanatics weren't about to take this laying down. They charged.

The fans may have had the high ground but Gwen and Duncan had an abundance of ammo. Slipping and tumbling down the slick slides of the ditch, most of the pack was already beaten by time they reached the bottom. The few who managed to keep their footing were slowed down by the slough as Duncan and Gwen pelted them with sewage. Their yells and squeals as they fell echoed into the night. Soon the wail of police sirens accompanied their ruckus.

"Damn! Someone called the cops!"

"Let's get outta here!"

"That way," Duncan hissed to Gwen pointing in the opposite direction from where the flashing lights were growing brighter. By time the squad cars had arrived, they were long gone.


	2. Chapter 2

xXxXx

"Uhg!" Gwen gave herself a little shake trying to dislodge some of the filth she was still covered in. "This reeks so bad!"

"Yeah." Duncan agreed, combing out some muck from his mohawk with his fingers. "But at least we got those losers back good."

Gwen smiled. "True."

They walked along in silence for a few minutes.

"Hey, Gwen, checkout that house," Duncan pointed at a large, elegant house with a tall white-picket fence surrounding it.

"What about it?"

"No one's home," he explained. "Hasn't been for a while. You can see all the newspapers piled up out front."

"So?" Gwen looked blankly at him. Her expression quickly morphed into one of concern. "You're not thinking of breaking in are you?"

"What? No – well, yeah…" Duncan admitted. Seeing that his suggestion wasn't going over well he hurriedly added. "But I bet there's a garden hose or something 'round back we could use to shower off with."

Gwen considered it for a second.

"Okay. I just_ really_ want get this stuff _off!_" she shuddered.

Duncan smirked and pulled out his pocketknife, twirling it around expertly in one hand. He jimmied the gate lock with it and mockingly held it open for her.

Gwen rolled her eyes but smiled as she past him.

Beyond the gate was maze of high hedges leading into a tidy backyard. Even taller shrubbery boarded the barriers between the neighboring properties. These residents appeared to value privacy.

"See anything?" Duncan asked in a stage whisper from behind her. Gwen rolled her eyes again.

"Not yet- oh, hello." She grinned. "Jackpot."

Duncan peeked over her shoulder to see soft glow of underwater pool lights illuminating their surrounds. Gwen rushed forwards excitedly but Duncan lagged behind a bit.

"I want to get this stuff off, not bath in it." He eyed the water's edge reluctantly.

"Oh, come on," Gwen yanked off her boots and let her feet dangle in. "The pool chemicals will probably be the best disinfectant either of us will get to for a while."

She slipped down from the side of the pool and submerged completely. She surfaced a few seconds later.

"Water's not too bad," she told Duncan. "I think the pool's heated."

"Yeah?" Duncan kicked off his shoes and cannonballed in, spraying water into Gwen's mouth causing her to choke. She was still sputtering when he popped up.

"Oh, sorry." Duncan pushed back his wet mohawk. "Did I get you?"

"Um, yeah. A bit." Gwen said sarcastically. Then she grinned mischievously. Clapping her hands together along the water's surface, she splashed it back into his face.

"Hey!" Duncan spluttered indignantly. Gwen giggled.

He scowled at her for a moment before his lips curled into the same wicked smile that she wore seconds before.

"Oh, it is on." He ducked under the water and pulled her under as well.

Shrieking and laughing, she wrestled her way back to the surface. They were so involved in their roughhousing, they didn't notice how much noise they were making until a dog howled nearby.

"Dear! See what Otis is so upset about!" A women's shrill pitch carried her order across the night.

There were some footsteps and then the sound of a screen door banging open. Duncan and Gwen exchanged a look of alarm. Evidently the dog's owners in the neighboring house had come to investigate.

They swam as noiselessly as they could up to the edge of the pool and griped the gutter, silently treading water.

A beam of light passed threw the bushes and over their heads. Gwen and Duncan held their breath. The light disappeared.

"Dumb dog was barking at nothing!" The man called back to his wife and slammed the door shut.

Gwen and Duncan sniggered softy behind their hands.

"We should probably get outta here…" Duncan said, climbing out of the pool and checked to make sure the coast was still clear.

"Yeah." Gwen nodded and pulled herself out as well. They quickly shoved on their shoes.

"Come on," Duncan offered her his hand. She took it. "I'll walk you home."

"Isn't it a bit out of your way?" Gwen asked as he led her through the hedge-maze and back onto the road.

"Yeah, but that'll give my clothes a chance to dry off before I get back to my place. My folks won't be asking as many questions then." He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Can't say the same for yours, though?"

Gwen groaned. "I'll think of something. I'm more worried about the smell…" She delicately sniffed the sleeve of her forearm and made a face.

Duncan snorted. "Doubt mine'll notice. If my brothers are around, they'll probably just say I smell better then usual."

"Ah, what are brothers for?" The corners of Gwen's mouth twitched with amusement.

Suddenly, the street lamp overhead flickered out as they walked under it. They jumped apart in surprise, then looked at each other and bursting into peels of laughter.

"It's just like when that scene when the cheerleader gets axed in the first Bloodbath movie," Gwen snickered.

Duncan chuckled. "Yeah. I was just thinking the exact same thing."

"Think we'll get attacked by a psycho in a hockey mask?"

"Hmm…" Duncan pretended to consider the matter carefully. Then waved his arms spookily over her and dropped his tone to a menacing timbre. "Gwen... I'm… coming… for… you…"

Gwen punched him lightly in the arm.

"That was totally from the third movie, you jerk," she smirked.

"Huh? No way!"

They unleash into another horror film debate as they headed home.

xXx

End.

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_**This is my first time writing this pairing. Please review.**_


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